Blah, Blah, Blah =]

Haven't seen you in awhile...

I feel like blogging but I want to make a list but I do those ALL THE TIME.
Meh, oh well.

1. So I've been listening to this song OVER and OVER again.

Its sooooooooooo good.

2. I'm going to be MEGA pissed if Skins get cancelled. Why does America have to be so damn Conservative. This is my dream and I don't want no dumb stuck up mother to crush my dreams just because she doesn't want to accept her darling children are doing or seeing this stuff all the time. FUCK YOU AMERICA. I'm moving to the UK.  I will seriously cry if it gets cancelled. No joke.

3. I want a REALLY good straight guy best friend. I'm tired of being One of the Girls I want to be One of the Guys! I understand that being hard but its just annoying. I mean don't get me wrong I love all my girl friends but I just feel like every guy should have a close STRAIGHT guy friend and I haven't had that for like 2 years now. Being friends with a gay guy just isn't very help full and many gay guys don't get along. I just need a break from talking about penis. 


4. I want to make sure EVERY number has something bold and CAP LOCKED. 


5. Everyone is really upset that I'm not doing the musical. BUT I NEED A FUCKING BREAK! What don't you understand about that. I'm tired of hearing "Well if your on Skins your going to be stressed all the time...future job...no break...blah, blah, blah." But the thing is I don't have any proof I will have fun doing the musical and I KNOW I will have fun doing Skins. I've done 6 shows this semester. 6 SHOWS. and and 4 of them I was a big part in. My grades slipped because of it and now I'm not as proud of them as I was in the beginning. I just need more ME time. Time to relax and have fun. 


6. I'm going to Senior week this year and its going to be SO MUCH FUN!!! For anyone who doesn't know Senior Week is the week right after school lets out and all the seniors go to the beach and party it up (kinda like spring break). I'm only a junior but a good 70% of my friends are Seniors so it just seemed natural to go. Plus, I'm not close with to many of juniors so I wouldn't have many people to go with so it just seemed like now was the right time to go. I'm SOOOO excited. We already got our hotel and all of us just have to pay $284 which isn't bad to get a nice hotel in Myrtle. Ima go crazy being the ONLY junior, the ONLY white person, and the ONLY guy. Bahahha, going to be the BEST.WEEK.EVER! 


7. I'm ready for this semester to be over with. I had a lot of fun though and so far this year has been one of the best and I believe I passed all my exams above 85. Not great but decent. 


8. I cried on the other day on the phone with Mikaella and Chessa because I felt like everyone thought I was a huge bitch. We had had a meeting that day and discussed our friendship and junk. I don't really believe in those types of meetings and I just felt like I didn't agree when many of the things that where being said or at least felt like they didn't go towards me. I CAN NOT keep stuff in that is bothering me it isn't good for my health and all of the things we discussed circled around that. When I got on the phone later it just got to me because I didn't feel bad about things I have done in the past. Most of the time I don't. I just learn from them and move on. Does that make me a bitch? Does it make me conceded if I have goals and I try my hardest to make myself happy? I AM NOT A BAD PERSON. I'm proud of who I am and who I'm going to be. There is a difference between rude and honest and I'm pretty sure I know it. 


With that I am off to bed so goodnight my darlings =] 

I'm ready... 
I'm ready... for this shit to be over with.
I'm ready... for people to stop running their mouth.
I'm ready... to stop running my mouth.
I'm ready... for you to realize what you've done wrong.
I'm ready... to be done with high school.
I'm ready... for Monday night to be over with.
I'm ready... for people to grow some balls.
I'm ready... to get over the feelings of making you cry.
I'm ready... to make you cry.
I'm ready... to fuck.
I'm ready... to get fucked up.
I'm ready... to fuck you up.
I'm ready... to stop sounding all gross gangstery.
I'm ready... to start next semester.
I'm ready... to pass exams.
I'm ready... for you to grow a personality.
I'm ready... for me to stop hating on the both of you.
I'm ready... for you to get more friends.
I'm ready... for my love life to begin.
I'm ready... for us to all settle down and get back to normal.
I'm ready... for you to talk to me more.
I'm ready... to be on Skins.
I'm ready... to get my life started.
I'm ready... for you to be happy.
I'm ready... to be happy.
I'm ready... to end.

happy new year!

WOOOOOOOOO!

well, happy new year everybody.

I'm laying on Mikaella's couch at 6:40am. We just got back from a lock in. It was fun! It made me think about god and stuff but that's another blog. This blog is about my new year's resolution which is NOTHING. I'm perfectly happy with how my life is now. I mean sure there is minimal things I wouldn't mind changing but those arn't important. I like my life and the people that are in it and I want that for the rest of 2011.

night night. Even though I'm hardly tired :)

I want more then happy.

wells,

I'm really happy. My life feels like it's at a nice stage right now. Things could deff change and it could make it better. That's my only want at the moment is that. I usually am a happy person so being happy has lost most of it's flavor now. I want to be more then happy. I feel like my life is the color peach right now. I mean don't get me wrong I LOVE the color peach but I want my life to be more out the. Be bright and sparkly w/ many layers. I'm happy w/ peach but I'm kinda feeling some yellow. Or lime green.

I love my friends. I had the best sleepover w/ my closest friends Chanel, Chessa, and Mikaella (who couldn't stay the night but I still loved her whilst she was there ) and I feel like that alone make my life doable. I have friends I love and I'm making new friends often so that part of my life is nice. Really only the romace one stinks. I mean it's not like I would die w/ out one but it would be nice. But I'm tired of complaining over it. I just need to get off my but and talk to people more and flirt. Ughhhh.

well off to go laydown and listen to music. Text some buddies. Call Mikaella? Mmmmm. I love my life :) <3

to-da-lo

fuck.my.life

ugh,

   I feel so lonely the more people enter my life. I have wonderful bestfriends I would do anything for but I still feel like there isn't anyone there for me. I feel like I complain about everything and I should just suck it up and be happy that way I don't annoy anyone. I feel like I annoy people a lot. Maybe that's why I can't get a boyfriend. Maybe the reason is because I'm holding myself back. I hold myself back a lot. I want to follow my dreams but idek what they are. I feel like I don't know anything. I feel like shit. I feel like this blog is just a big ugly pile of sad emo stuff no one wants to read. Even myself.  I could keep going but I'll stop. I need to stop feeling bad about my body, my relationships w/ friends, not having a bf, not feeling attractive, myself.

bed time.

On the 5th day of christmas I give to you... ONE LONG LIST!!!!

1. Well lets start of w/ what I did thursday...nothing. I didn't feel like going to school, my mom didn't care because it's my decision if I fail, and I knew I wasnt going to miss anything. So I slept for a while and got on the computer (basically what I did today). It was nice. Ive loved this semester but I am ready for some change. I love having some form or routine but after awhile it gets tiring. So it was nice to have a day of break and not have to be sick.

2. Yesterday I didn't blog because after school I felt like hanging with the gang. Chessa was going to the nutcracker so me and lole ventured to Mikaella's house. We made brownies and talked about stuff. When Mikaella's mom came home we all went to the mall to shop for sweaters. The van's seats wernt in all the way because they had been removed and we wernt sure how to lock them but we got in anyway thinking our weight would hold the back seat down...we where wrong. Throughout the ride to the mall in back our seat would launch forward or backword causing us to ether fall onto the chair infront of us or suspend backwords almost hitting the door. It was the scariest but funniest thing EVER. At the mall we walked around, made fun of things, ate some chick-fil-a. Then went back to mikaellas house. Lole had to leave so me and mikaella sat in the kitchen and talked more. THEN Mariah(mikaella's siser) came and wanted to go shopping. So we went back to the mall (not in the van sadly) and had the best time! First me and mikaella went into Bath and Body works where we made fun of things and loitered around, lwerd the sale of midnight pomegreante, when we spotted a store called "Just Casual". We kept making jokes about it and laughed at the idea of going in there and the people asking "What are you looking for?" and us going "I dont know...I was thinking of something just casual?" bahaha.
       We then ventured to Sears to ride on the escalators. We walked backwords on the one going up. High fived on opposite ones, walked around and made ugly faces. Saw a 3d tv but couldnt find the glasses. When we went to leave though a voice from behind us went "sir,sir...sir" so I turned around...as Im a sir. And this weird Indian guys motioned for me to come over.
"Sir,"he said.
"Awww, Im in trouble aint I?"
"Sir, this isnt a playground"
"yeah, I know Im leaving?"
"yes, well good. you do that sir."
   Me and mikaella laughed oursleves out and then joked about how we should have just kept walking and we would just hear him following us going "sir,sir,sir,sir,sir,sir." and throughout the night we would stop and go "sir, this is not a playground, this is not a dance floor, etc.." We danced in basically every store in the mall. Talked loudly about sex, people around us, and life in general. It was the most amazing time EVER. and it was cool seing people that looked like they where our classmates but fat and 15 years older =]

3. Before I went to bed me and Mikaella texted eachother about how happy we where that we had eachother. Its just nice to have someone I can fully trust and fully be myself around. I love her and all my friends dearly. Its weird to see the people I considerd my best friends a few years ago to the ones I have now and its soooo diffrent. Its sad to think that some people cant open up to people the feel close to. But personaly I feel like how close can you truley be if you cant tell them how you feel about your feelings, and other things. Same goes for a relationship. How close can ypu get w/ a gf/bf or even talk to someone you want to be your gf/bf if you cant tell them stuff. Because most of the time the other person can tell that your not opening up. And that turns me off majorly.

4. Making a long list blog=Takes a long time=hard to do=very tiring=I want to keep going but I cant think of more=fail.

5. I REALLY want to get on Skins. Its so far away but the closer I get the more I think I wont get on.

6. Being stage manager for Divorce Southern Style at Old Courthouse Theatre isn't what I thought it would be at all. Its so much work and so many adults are depending on me. Its also weird to see all of these adults w/ different aspects of life and a huge variety in jobs who all like the same thing. But its all very stressful still.

7. My grades are slipping...womp.

8. How do you know if your a sex addict or a ordinary teenager. B/c I want to get w/ someone SOOO much lately. As you can tell from prior post. Oh the mysteries of life.

9. I want to work out but I dont have the modivation. My self-confidence levels have been flutulating a lot this week. I mean for most of this week Ive been accepting my body and thinking it looks good. But then today I thought i looked horrible. And everything about my appearance sucked. My legs are pretty muscular, I like my arms alright and my chest. Just that darn stomac! Ughhhh.

10. If Im on skins I wont be able to be on big brother or real world as Ill most likely be a "celebrity" in the producers eyes... womp.

11. Ive said womp twice in this I believe...womp. =]

12. Well I guess Im done! was that long enough....idrgaf if you dont think so though lol. So Im just going to go! Write again Monday...LEAVE A COMMENT.

Buh-Bye.

sorry :/

uhmmm, well...this is awkward.

I'm moving tonights blog over and working on it tomorrow. I'm just real tired and I don't feel like typing. It is already planned out so it'll be basically 12 blogs in list for so be prepared!

and w/ that goodnight and sorry!