Ton by Ton

Well hello all you crazy cats, 


There is so much junk on my mind today. I kind of feel like my mind is like a landfill and I just keep adding tons of trash to it. I mean last night I was looking on the Internet for plays I could audition for when I remembered I hate doing them. That made me wonder why the hell do I want to do them and looking all over google for them if when I'm doing it I will be unhappy. I then just said to myself "It's because I need experience because I want to be a film actor and this can help.". But when I woke up this morning I felt like that was total bullshit and that there has to be another reason. "You could be a comedian, their kind of actors?" I taught to myself while watching some Joan Rivers, but something didn't feel right about it. The only job I can comfortably say is a film actor but even that seems far away.

One Ton of Trash Added. 


Then after that whole fiasco I started listening to Marina and the Diamonds, and if you don't know all her songs are kind of sad. I started feeling sad and thinking "Wow, my life sucks HUGE monkey balls." but what I didn't know was why I thought that. I mean I have friends, a good family, a house with food and water. I have all the basic essentials for a perfect life. Just then it hit me... Love, I have no love life. I had been listening to my friends killing themselves (not literally) over people they liked and could potentially love in the future while I just sat there and helped them solve their problems. I remembered how I used to try to find boyfriends but it's hard being gay when you live in the Bible Belt and in high school. I want love! But have no way to get it.

Another Ton of Trash Added 


As of right now those two tons are the only ones I can think of but hopefully if I just keep removing them ton by ton out of my landfill I will be able to find the true me. A dirty me but the true one.

=]