Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Come w/ me my love to the sea, the sea of love.

Been stuck in my head ALL day. 

1. I'm so terrified. Like I've been trying to hide it but I really cant. My mom is having surgery Monday and just the thought of her dying is one that I cant imagine w/out crying. Like I'm basically crying right now. My life wouldn't work w/out her in it. Like my dad is a truck driver so his life revolves around driving and taking care of us. Since he only comes in like once a month he never has the chance to make friends and stuff so w/out my mom he doesn't really have a lot left and idk what he would do because it isn't like I'm very close to him. My sisters dad died about 2yrs ago and she still hasn't exactly went back to her old self so if my mom died she would be a orphan and i don't even know is she would be ale to leave her bed because she can hardly leave the house now. And me... who knows. I just cant handle. My mom is my best friend and its ALWAYS been me and her. She's guided me through so much and w/out her I wouldn't know the difference between left and right. I'm scared =[ 

2. I'm worried about my health. I was 3 months premature when I was born so obviously my health has never been the best and I was in the hospital for the first 2 years of my life. But my health has never really gotten better. When I was younger I never noticed but as I get older and more aware I notice it more. Plus being around smoke doesn't help. I've just always felt like I'm going to die young and I don't want to die with out completing my goals. But honestly I feel like if I died tomorrow my life has been pretty great. 

3. I might audition for a play Monday but I'm scared because of my enunciation. Ever since I knocked out my tooth in the 5th grade my speech has never been perfect. And every time I get comfortable and able to talk more clearly something happens that pushes me back. Now that Ive taken a break I haven't been practising it and that worries me. I just cant wait to turn 18 and get my tooth. 

Bed =[

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I feel the need to blog. Like I have to, but I'm not entirely sure what to blog about...
1. So, my interview for Carowinds is Saturday which I'm uber excited about. I already basically know what I'm going to say because a friend of mine works there and she told me all the things they asked. Plus they basically hire EVERYONE so that's a plus. The only thing I have to worry about is a ride there all the time because it is 45min away so if I don't have a ride I cant just call up someone and be like "Wanna take me to work?!". But my friend can take me most of the time and I have my parents so hopefully all will work out and I'll get the job. I just like the idea of working in unusual place. I already tried the last standing single roomed movie theatre in the US so now its time to try a theme park! I'm most likely going to be on the games so even better! ME ME ME SO EXCITED <3

2. That was kinda corny....

3. I'm such a Big Brother freak, It's kinda sad. Like I could totally write a 20pg paper on the impact of Big Brother on British culture and media. Sad, sad, sad.

4. So I've recently realized that I'm totally turned off of dating right now. Like pda just kinda turns me off, and Id worry about being to distant. Plus I get really dependent on the person I date and I hate that. I don't like putting all my trust in someone, but not because I have trust issues but just because it makes me feel bad about myself. Like I start second guessing what the other person feels about me and I feel like I'm being annoying. Its just not good. Also, I wouldn't want to date someone who goes to my school b/c of pda. I wouldn't want to date someone out of school b/c I wouldn't want the distance. But also I would like to date someone older and out of school but that's hard to find. So as of right just isn't a good idea right now. But then I'm just left with flings which I'm not entirely sure about. I'm not against it but it doesn't really help anyone out does it? I'm just a mess. Single is boring me but furthering it is complicated =/  

5. Do you ever just want to sneak into someones house and watch what they do all day...I do.

6. I feel like people need to know the difference between Liking someone and Lusting someone. Like, forreal.

7. This blog was mighty lame. I need to collect my thoughts, write them down and blog tomorrow.

Night Night.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Depression kicking back in when I feel my distractions crumble.
I don't know how long I can keep up making myself hide these dumb sad feelings.
Which is dumb.
But w/e.
I need to blog more.....starting tomorrow.
As of right now... its time for bed.