I just want GREATNESS...

Hidey Ho, 


I don't know how I feel at the moment. I have so much on my mind. I hate how I feel like I can't just become friends with someone. Like me as much as I like you dawn it! I hate how dating isn't coming easy and I keep going back to the same person. That person is one of the biggest assholes ever. I hate that today was so FUCKING boring. I mean sure I got homework done but that was about it. I hate that I'm so negative all the time. I want a change and maybe this new semester will help but I want to change on the inside too. Maybe all my problems are my fault? Maybe instead of picking the insecurities of myself and others I should pick the positive out of myself and others. Maybe if I viewed everything positively nothing bad would really happen and my like wouldn't suck mondo balls as much as it does right now. Then maybe I could actually post a interesting blog blog instead of dumb listy paragraphy things. I don't know. I JUST WANT TO FEEL AMAZING I WANT TO HAVE AMAZING RELATIONSHIPS! I just want greatness. I feel like time is running out all of a sudden and as the hands move my life becomes grayer. My friends are great but I feel like I never see them anymore. I just want someone to enter my life and add color. I want someone new and interesting I can become closer with, make me laugh, have sleepovers, have fun. I can do that with my friends now and I'm still happy there in my life. But can I please just have a bit more spice? I'm good with schedule but I'm also good with change and that's what I want. Something different and new.  

One thing that is new and my life is my new semester. 


Well my new schedule at Northwest is:

7:15 - 8:39		US History
8:44 - 10:08		Ceramics I
10:13 - 10:43		Intervention Period
		Monday: 1st Period Tuesday: 2nd Period Wednesday: 3rd Period Thursday: 4th Period Friday: Advocate
10:48 - 12:45		Spanish I
		2nd Lunch: 11:30 - 11:58
12:50 - 2:15		Physical Science

Its dumb. My classes are fine but all of them are pretty heavy on homework. I guess I'm glad I'm not doing ANY theatre this semester...its just odd. Plus the new intervention this is pointless. So...

1st Period: US History- 
It's alright. So much work and a organized notebook which used to bug me SOOOO much but no longer does because they keep me organized. History has never been my favorite subject and there isn't really many people I get along with in there so that should be interesting. I'm dreading grouping up into partners. Also we have to do note card which I HATE! They don't help me study because I memorize by picturing the image in my head. Like in plays I just read the script in my head as I'm doing the play. Kinda complicated to explain but anyway. So note cards don't help me because I have to picture EVERY SINGLE note card in my head and it doesn't work. And she told us we have roughly 1,000 note cards this semester so...FMYLIFE.

2nd Period: Ceramics I- 
Personally I think art classes are boring as shit but ceramics seemed different and I really like easy going class. I know a good amount of people in there and none I have problems with. There is a few interesting people in there like a Chinese, plump girl who is OBSESSED with cats. I short special girl that acts 8. My best friends twin.... basically everyone( I loved how I grouped Chessa's twin with that group, BAHAHA). But its Art so w/e. ANOTHER organized notebook.

3rd Period: Spanish I- 
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm kinda late taking this class but whatever. My teacher is the biggest bitch EVER and I hate her...obviously. I'm really good at languages but HORRIBLE at saying ma'am. I hate saying ma'am and sir I think its dumb. I mean don't get me wrong I understand the point...doesn't mean it isn't dumb as shit. And you can't say "what?" because its negative...WHAT THE FUCK?! Ughhh, kill me now. OH!... and another organized notebook + a billion note cards and a girl that can never SHUT THE FUCK UP. and someone cried on the first day over drama in the class...this should be a ball.

4th Period: Physical Science- 
I have a substitute in this class until spring break because my teacher had a baby. To make it better the sub has no fucking clue whats she talking about OR that she even had to take this class. She's really nice though and we can do basically what ever in it. I have a good chunk of friends in it but the rest are FUCKING IDIOTS.

Advocacy- 
Don't know anyone and we never do anything. Both times I have just sleep and this dumb bitch has never closed her mouth...UGH.


Lunch- 
So far it's been good! I sit with all the preppy girls which doesn't really bug me at all. Friday a girl came up to me and complemented me on my blog! I LOVE YOU! I'm sorry I made you feel like a creeper! truly.


__________________________________________________________________________________ 


So yeah, that's about it! 
Bye bye =] 


ps: I sounded soooo negative and cursed A LOT...oh well.

I guess everything goes downhill from here...

I'm stressed out the ying yang.
I feel ugly.
I feel like everyone is drifting apart.
I'm tired of having problems.
I'm tired of being tired.
I feel like I talk about the same things all the time.
I feel like I bitch all the time.
I feel like I'm a bitch.
I don't give a shit.
I feel unwanted.
I feel like being horrible to you.
I feel like you're fake sometimes.
I feel nervous for the new semester.
I'm ready for Divorce Southern Style to be over with.
I'm ready to stop complaining.
I'm ready to be happy more then just when you text me/talk to me/ we hang out.
I'm ready to have a love life.
I'm ready to relax.
I want to make a actually blogy blog soon.
I'm ready to go to sleep.
Lets hope it goes uphill soon.

Blah, Blah, Blah =]

Haven't seen you in awhile...

I feel like blogging but I want to make a list but I do those ALL THE TIME.
Meh, oh well.

1. So I've been listening to this song OVER and OVER again.

Its sooooooooooo good.

2. I'm going to be MEGA pissed if Skins get cancelled. Why does America have to be so damn Conservative. This is my dream and I don't want no dumb stuck up mother to crush my dreams just because she doesn't want to accept her darling children are doing or seeing this stuff all the time. FUCK YOU AMERICA. I'm moving to the UK.  I will seriously cry if it gets cancelled. No joke.

3. I want a REALLY good straight guy best friend. I'm tired of being One of the Girls I want to be One of the Guys! I understand that being hard but its just annoying. I mean don't get me wrong I love all my girl friends but I just feel like every guy should have a close STRAIGHT guy friend and I haven't had that for like 2 years now. Being friends with a gay guy just isn't very help full and many gay guys don't get along. I just need a break from talking about penis. 


4. I want to make sure EVERY number has something bold and CAP LOCKED. 


5. Everyone is really upset that I'm not doing the musical. BUT I NEED A FUCKING BREAK! What don't you understand about that. I'm tired of hearing "Well if your on Skins your going to be stressed all the time...future job...no break...blah, blah, blah." But the thing is I don't have any proof I will have fun doing the musical and I KNOW I will have fun doing Skins. I've done 6 shows this semester. 6 SHOWS. and and 4 of them I was a big part in. My grades slipped because of it and now I'm not as proud of them as I was in the beginning. I just need more ME time. Time to relax and have fun. 


6. I'm going to Senior week this year and its going to be SO MUCH FUN!!! For anyone who doesn't know Senior Week is the week right after school lets out and all the seniors go to the beach and party it up (kinda like spring break). I'm only a junior but a good 70% of my friends are Seniors so it just seemed natural to go. Plus, I'm not close with to many of juniors so I wouldn't have many people to go with so it just seemed like now was the right time to go. I'm SOOOO excited. We already got our hotel and all of us just have to pay $284 which isn't bad to get a nice hotel in Myrtle. Ima go crazy being the ONLY junior, the ONLY white person, and the ONLY guy. Bahahha, going to be the BEST.WEEK.EVER! 


7. I'm ready for this semester to be over with. I had a lot of fun though and so far this year has been one of the best and I believe I passed all my exams above 85. Not great but decent. 


8. I cried on the other day on the phone with Mikaella and Chessa because I felt like everyone thought I was a huge bitch. We had had a meeting that day and discussed our friendship and junk. I don't really believe in those types of meetings and I just felt like I didn't agree when many of the things that where being said or at least felt like they didn't go towards me. I CAN NOT keep stuff in that is bothering me it isn't good for my health and all of the things we discussed circled around that. When I got on the phone later it just got to me because I didn't feel bad about things I have done in the past. Most of the time I don't. I just learn from them and move on. Does that make me a bitch? Does it make me conceded if I have goals and I try my hardest to make myself happy? I AM NOT A BAD PERSON. I'm proud of who I am and who I'm going to be. There is a difference between rude and honest and I'm pretty sure I know it. 


With that I am off to bed so goodnight my darlings =] 

I'm ready... 
I'm ready... for this shit to be over with.
I'm ready... for people to stop running their mouth.
I'm ready... to stop running my mouth.
I'm ready... for you to realize what you've done wrong.
I'm ready... to be done with high school.
I'm ready... for Monday night to be over with.
I'm ready... for people to grow some balls.
I'm ready... to get over the feelings of making you cry.
I'm ready... to make you cry.
I'm ready... to fuck.
I'm ready... to get fucked up.
I'm ready... to fuck you up.
I'm ready... to stop sounding all gross gangstery.
I'm ready... to start next semester.
I'm ready... to pass exams.
I'm ready... for you to grow a personality.
I'm ready... for me to stop hating on the both of you.
I'm ready... for you to get more friends.
I'm ready... for my love life to begin.
I'm ready... for us to all settle down and get back to normal.
I'm ready... for you to talk to me more.
I'm ready... to be on Skins.
I'm ready... to get my life started.
I'm ready... for you to be happy.
I'm ready... to be happy.
I'm ready... to end.

happy new year!

WOOOOOOOOO!

well, happy new year everybody.

I'm laying on Mikaella's couch at 6:40am. We just got back from a lock in. It was fun! It made me think about god and stuff but that's another blog. This blog is about my new year's resolution which is NOTHING. I'm perfectly happy with how my life is now. I mean sure there is minimal things I wouldn't mind changing but those arn't important. I like my life and the people that are in it and I want that for the rest of 2011.

night night. Even though I'm hardly tired :)