Sunday, May 15, 2011

The End.

I honestly feel like this is the end my friends.

The mission of the blog was to figure out who I am and its almost been a year and I honestly feel like I have achieved that goal. I know who I am. I know what has made me this person and who are going to help me overcome my problems. I might not know what my future brings like I did before but I've realized that that isn't really a problem. I'll deal with the future when it comes but right now I need to deal with the present. I need to deal with overcoming my depression and worry. I need to fully deal with my past and not ignore it and let it affect me like I have been. I need to have fun. This blog isnt meant to help me with my feelings. This blog isnt going to make me feel better. My friends are. Even though so many worries go on about them in my head ALL THE TIME writing them down isnt going to help me. This blog did and completed its mission. Im happy with the person I am. I just need to realize that there are people in this world that are too.

Thanks Blogger and thanks followers who have read/commented/ and of course followed.

As of Right Now...

Goodbye. =]

Friday, May 6, 2011

Guess What?!?!

Instead of going to Prom tonight I'm thinking about just throwing myself a big pity party...

Oh! And I'll PROB delete my blog...

yeahhhh, me=knows how to have fun on a friday night.

night-night :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Come w/ me my love to the sea, the sea of love.

Been stuck in my head ALL day. 

1. I'm so terrified. Like I've been trying to hide it but I really cant. My mom is having surgery Monday and just the thought of her dying is one that I cant imagine w/out crying. Like I'm basically crying right now. My life wouldn't work w/out her in it. Like my dad is a truck driver so his life revolves around driving and taking care of us. Since he only comes in like once a month he never has the chance to make friends and stuff so w/out my mom he doesn't really have a lot left and idk what he would do because it isn't like I'm very close to him. My sisters dad died about 2yrs ago and she still hasn't exactly went back to her old self so if my mom died she would be a orphan and i don't even know is she would be ale to leave her bed because she can hardly leave the house now. And me... who knows. I just cant handle. My mom is my best friend and its ALWAYS been me and her. She's guided me through so much and w/out her I wouldn't know the difference between left and right. I'm scared =[ 

2. I'm worried about my health. I was 3 months premature when I was born so obviously my health has never been the best and I was in the hospital for the first 2 years of my life. But my health has never really gotten better. When I was younger I never noticed but as I get older and more aware I notice it more. Plus being around smoke doesn't help. I've just always felt like I'm going to die young and I don't want to die with out completing my goals. But honestly I feel like if I died tomorrow my life has been pretty great. 

3. I might audition for a play Monday but I'm scared because of my enunciation. Ever since I knocked out my tooth in the 5th grade my speech has never been perfect. And every time I get comfortable and able to talk more clearly something happens that pushes me back. Now that Ive taken a break I haven't been practising it and that worries me. I just cant wait to turn 18 and get my tooth. 

Bed =[

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I feel the need to blog. Like I have to, but I'm not entirely sure what to blog about...
1. So, my interview for Carowinds is Saturday which I'm uber excited about. I already basically know what I'm going to say because a friend of mine works there and she told me all the things they asked. Plus they basically hire EVERYONE so that's a plus. The only thing I have to worry about is a ride there all the time because it is 45min away so if I don't have a ride I cant just call up someone and be like "Wanna take me to work?!". But my friend can take me most of the time and I have my parents so hopefully all will work out and I'll get the job. I just like the idea of working in unusual place. I already tried the last standing single roomed movie theatre in the US so now its time to try a theme park! I'm most likely going to be on the games so even better! ME ME ME SO EXCITED <3

2. That was kinda corny....

3. I'm such a Big Brother freak, It's kinda sad. Like I could totally write a 20pg paper on the impact of Big Brother on British culture and media. Sad, sad, sad.

4. So I've recently realized that I'm totally turned off of dating right now. Like pda just kinda turns me off, and Id worry about being to distant. Plus I get really dependent on the person I date and I hate that. I don't like putting all my trust in someone, but not because I have trust issues but just because it makes me feel bad about myself. Like I start second guessing what the other person feels about me and I feel like I'm being annoying. Its just not good. Also, I wouldn't want to date someone who goes to my school b/c of pda. I wouldn't want to date someone out of school b/c I wouldn't want the distance. But also I would like to date someone older and out of school but that's hard to find. So as of right just isn't a good idea right now. But then I'm just left with flings which I'm not entirely sure about. I'm not against it but it doesn't really help anyone out does it? I'm just a mess. Single is boring me but furthering it is complicated =/  

5. Do you ever just want to sneak into someones house and watch what they do all day...I do.

6. I feel like people need to know the difference between Liking someone and Lusting someone. Like, forreal.

7. This blog was mighty lame. I need to collect my thoughts, write them down and blog tomorrow.

Night Night.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Depression kicking back in when I feel my distractions crumble.
I don't know how long I can keep up making myself hide these dumb sad feelings.
Which is dumb.
But w/e.
I need to blog more.....starting tomorrow.
As of right now... its time for bed.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

So I should prob blog...

Soooooooo, this is awkward, 

I was going to blog as I have plenty to talk about I just haven't got myself to do it so... here you go.

1. I've been obsessing over the musical Spring Awakening lately. I used to be obsessed when it was on Broadway with the OBC but then I forgot all about it until last Friday. Somehow I thought of it and looked it up and I became obsessed once again. I LOVEEEE it so much!!! I think it's amazing. The story is strong, youthful, and real. Plus the music is nothing short form Orgasmic. I soon began to think about my old dream to run off to NYC and get on Broadway and why I ever stopped believing in it. Now, my opinions on that dream haven't changed and I don't have any dreams like that any longer but I did realize how fun musicals are. ESPECIALLY possessional ones. I'm tired of all the drama and stress that comes from high-school plays/musicals. I want to do more possessional works where EVERYONE cares about it as much as I do. I'm ready to get my acting career started and Spring Awakening has proven how much I want it to happen.

2. This semester is about half over. This year is almost up. Next year I'll be a senior. In a year from now I'll be graduating. A few months later I'll be going to college (if I'm not on Skins). It's so scary how fast everything is going. I mean can I just stay in High School forever? At this age forever? It's kinda like when you're about to go on for a show and you wish you had more months of rehearsal even though you where bored as fuck during them. But then you go on and have the time of your life. That=My Life right now.

3. If anyone who didn't really know me that well read my blog I would seem like the BIGGEST bitch ever. I really don't believe I am and I really don't want people to think I am. So, I'm going on a cleaning spree and getting all the toxins out of my life and fixed. Fixed things with Lole. Fixed things with Chessa. Got a few people out of my life so I wouldn't hurt them anymore. I need to try even harder then I am now in school. This is my year and I don't need bullshit getting in my way.

4. I hate Kurt from Glee. Maybe I just hate most gay guys? idk.

5. I guess I do have my straight guy best friend now?...maybe two??...maybe...hopefully.

6. I guess I'm done. better then nothing.

Bye-bye huns.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


my life is getting semi better but I still have problems :/
1. You don't understand me all the way.
2. You're pissy w/ me for dumb shit. And can't just tell people how you feel even though it's pretty obvious.
3. Well... No one understands my negative feeling towards you :/
4. You're so confusing friend wise. Talk to me more. I'm not a party animal.
5. I'm flirting w/ you for no're not getting this. I just like the attention I guess :/
6. I'm glad you said yes even though you're still saying we're going as a group.
7. I'm becoming attracted to good.
8. You're so funny. And you get me in trouble but the sad part is is I ant decide wheter I like it or not.
9. You guys apply easy peer presure on me making me smoke and drink. But is that that bad of a thing? Let me live life!
10. You're anorexic and it's scary :(
11. You're a loner and I don't want you to die alone.
12. You guys are whores. It's isn't a bad thing I havnt had sex in 2 years. Get the fuck over it.
13. I know you miss me b/c you're always gone. But talking to you just isn't fun anymore and it makes me feel bad.
14. Why don't you act mad?
15. Both you say it's over but if it is then why do I still get the silent treatment...

GOAL= next blog be REAL happy.