Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Come w/ me my love to the sea, the sea of love.

Been stuck in my head ALL day. 

1. I'm so terrified. Like I've been trying to hide it but I really cant. My mom is having surgery Monday and just the thought of her dying is one that I cant imagine w/out crying. Like I'm basically crying right now. My life wouldn't work w/out her in it. Like my dad is a truck driver so his life revolves around driving and taking care of us. Since he only comes in like once a month he never has the chance to make friends and stuff so w/out my mom he doesn't really have a lot left and idk what he would do because it isn't like I'm very close to him. My sisters dad died about 2yrs ago and she still hasn't exactly went back to her old self so if my mom died she would be a orphan and i don't even know is she would be ale to leave her bed because she can hardly leave the house now. And me... who knows. I just cant handle. My mom is my best friend and its ALWAYS been me and her. She's guided me through so much and w/out her I wouldn't know the difference between left and right. I'm scared =[ 

2. I'm worried about my health. I was 3 months premature when I was born so obviously my health has never been the best and I was in the hospital for the first 2 years of my life. But my health has never really gotten better. When I was younger I never noticed but as I get older and more aware I notice it more. Plus being around smoke doesn't help. I've just always felt like I'm going to die young and I don't want to die with out completing my goals. But honestly I feel like if I died tomorrow my life has been pretty great. 

3. I might audition for a play Monday but I'm scared because of my enunciation. Ever since I knocked out my tooth in the 5th grade my speech has never been perfect. And every time I get comfortable and able to talk more clearly something happens that pushes me back. Now that Ive taken a break I haven't been practising it and that worries me. I just cant wait to turn 18 and get my tooth. 

Bed =[

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